Tinnitus and the Low Hum

It was a new experience for me. I spent three days at moose hunting camp in the Anderson area of Alaska. The hunting grounds were only an hour and a half south of Fairbanks so it wasn't a long way away, but when I was out there it seemed to be a long way from anything. With a borrowed four-wheeler, borrowed .338 rifle, and a lot of time, I camped and hunted with my friends Gerry and Jonathan. The weather was warm and beautiful, though not conducive to hunting moose. They prefer cold and grey. Each morning we would set out before sunrise and find our spot by the pond. Each evening we would set out before sunset and find our spot at the pond. Then... sit and wait.

It would've been different if we could sit and wait and talk, but you have to remain as silent as possible and as still as possible. For four or five hours we would sit and try not to move. When was the last time you had to remain silent for that length of time? Because it wasn't a matter of wanting to or choosing to. If we wanted to hunt moose, we had to. It was not easy. As I sat in the utter silence of the Alaska wilderness, I realized just how noisy my head had become.

First, I noticed the high pitched ringing. A constant squeal. When I was little, our TV used to have the same high pitched ring when you turned it on. Now, my ears ring. Maybe I watched too much TV, maybe it was all of the loud concerts, countless ear infections, whatever it was. I can't get rid of the ringing.

Next, I felt a deep hum. It would start and stop rather randomly, but at first, I looked around to see where it was coming from. But I'm out in the middle of nowhere. There's nothing to hum. Just as suddenly as it started it stopped. Whew! Hummmmmmmmmmmmmm. What is it? Do you hear that? I guess it's just in my head.

High pitched squeal, low range hum...no silence for me.

I'm sure 90 percent of the noise is physiological. But, in my mind, there's something else at work. It could be one of two things or both things, I'm not sure. Either it's God trying to grab my attention and let me know that He is always there. (but why would he use such an annoying sound?) Or it's the other guy trying to not let me have a moments peace. Or maybe it's both, one high and one low in competition in my head. The sound made it difficult to contemplate life in anyway but negatively. I struggled with positive contemplation, except right at sunrise, when the frost would start to form and the tops of the mountains would turn pink and orange. And right at sunset when the sky would go from blue to pink to purple and the air would turn cold.

Either way, I think I need to go back again and sit longer and listen again to the noise. Maybe, just maybe if I listen long enough, if the silence will last long enough, the noise will go away.

Perhaps?